Am I In An Unhealthy Relationship? //
Sometimes relationships can be tricky. Relationships should always be give and take; both people giving to each other and both people receiving back what enables everyone to do better and be better. At times it is important to have healthy compromise in a relationship in order to communicate well and keep peace. It is a sign that the relationship as a whole is more important than what movie to go see tonight.
There are times when the give and take seems equal, but there are other times when the balance starts to top, and we may not even realize that the give and take is more take than give. IT can be subtle and creep in without us realizing it. It is normal to want to make others happy, but when we find ourselves making decisions, any or every decision, based only on what a single person desires, we need to take a step back and look objectively at whether this is a healthy, balanced give and take, or whether the other person is taking too much liberty with our good will, loyalty or love.
Is this person now taking more than giving? Is this person controlling me with words or actions? Do I feel like I am being taken advantage of or being used? Do I feel compelled to do or give what this person wants most of the time? These aspects can show up in any type of relationship – not just a romantic one, but could be in a parent/child relationship, a friendship or in a work environment in which a boss/owner is taking advantage or workers such as immigrants. The underlying motivation is power and control, and it can manifest in a variety of ways:
- Coercion and Threats – threats to harm, expose or shame victim
- Intimidation – harms others you care about like children or pets, displays or uses weapons, lies to others
- Emotional Abuse – humiliates in front of others, calls names, make victim feel guilt, shame or blame for something, convinces you that he/she is the only one who cares about you
- Isolation – keeps confined, stays with victim at all times, creates distrusts of police/others
- Denying, Blaming, Minimizing – denies anything illegal, places blame on the victim for the situation, makes light of abuse or exploitation
- Sexual Abuse – Uses sexual assault as a punishment or means of control, normalizes sexual violence and selling sex, forces sexual relations multiple times a day and/or with strangers
- Physical Abuse – physically hits or injures victim, denies food/water, forces pregnancy termination, induces drug addiction as means of control
- Using Privilege – Treats victim like a servant, uses gender, race or age to suggest superiority, hides or destroys important documents
- Economic Abuse – creates debt that can never repaid, takes the money victim earns, prevents victim from accessing finances, limits resources to a small allowance
If any of these sound familiar please continue to read more at the websites below and reach out for help; you deserve to be respected and treated well.
Call 1-800-373-7888 // 24/7 Toll Free, Confidential, 200+ languages
Text “BeFree” to 233733
www.polarisproject.org
