Men and Unplanned Pregnancy: Your Partner Is Pregnant and You Don’t Know What to Do

Men and Unplanned Pregnancy:  Your Partner Is Pregnant and You Don’t Know What to Do
Feeling panicked?  Wondering how this could have happened?  It is important not to make hasty decisions in the middle of the overwhelming thoughts and feelings; you need to take time to process what’s happened and make a plan.  Whatever your situation, understand that you are not alone. Many couples experience an unplanned pregnancy, and it can be alarming and overwhelming.
Men often have not fully comprehended what it would be like for them if a pregnancy resulted from sex they were engaged in. Society focuses more on the risk that women take when engaging in sex while the risk men take is often overlooked. The risk that men take is very significant because men do not have the legal or ethical right to make the choice to continue the pregnancy or not.   Men and women are in very different positions regarding the decision; men often have no control and may feel powerless, while women have the burden of responsibility and this can lead to resentment of the pregnancy or each other.
The Do’s

  • Listen.  The situation involves more than just you.  There are now three lives to think about.
  • Stay Calm.  She needs your support now more than ever.  She may be the one that is pregnant, but you are BOTH involved, and regardless of your relationship in the future, you may always be a part of each other’s lives
  • Talk About It – not only with each other, but prepare to talk with parents and others close to the situation.  Hiding the news from people who can genuinely help you only increases the stress.
  • Gather All The Facts.  Get all the information and seek wise counsel so you can make the best decision for both of you.
  • Express Yourself Honestly.  It’s normal to have feelings of anger, frustration and fear.  But make sure she knows she is not alone.

The Don’ts

  • Don’t Bail.  The more you run from this, the harder it becomes to think and act clearly.
  • Don’t Pressure Her.  Applying pressure will only push her away, possibly into a regretful situation.  You will do well to work together as a team.
  • Don’t Forget.  You have a very active role in this situation.  Listen to input as well as give your thoughts.

Insightful Statistics

  • In the US approximately 1:2 pregnancies are unplanned
  • 1:3 women will have an abortion in their lifetime
  • 1:2 relationships will end after abortion
  • Unfortunately, statistics show that half of relationships end after an abortion, so take time to talk a lot because it may seem like a quick fix now, but if you really care for her, it might cost you more than you realize.
  • Statistics show that the father of the baby has the most influence over decisions about the unplanned pregnancy.

Perhaps men’s real feelings about being a father and caring for a family are genuinely deeper and stronger than most of us realize, even though they may have fears and concerns about doing it, as all of us do, they place great value on family and fatherhood.
Some concerns he may have:

  • the fear of crossing over the “my body my life” right of women
  • He may realize he wants to be part of your life now more than ever.
  • He may realize that the thought of being a dad is something he now looks forward to
  • “being regarded solely as a female issue…. the participation of the man remains largely invisible. However, many women have stated that they are influenced in their decision about abortion by the man and one of the most frequently stated reasons for terminating a pregnancy is related to the partner.”resource link

Other helpful links:
How will I feel after my abortion?
What happens after abortion?
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